what.a.depressing.entry.

now at office waiting for my mum to pick me up from work.. it's been some time since my mum came to pick me up anywhere... like school times.. hehz. I'm a big girl now but still rely so much on dear mummy... haiz..... pathetic right? This sprained ankle is making me slightly depressed cause i can't do much!!! I wanna go for my eyebrow threading... but i can't. i want to go shopping. i can't. i wanna go to the gym. I can't. This is pathetic!!! Where is my life?!!!!! *sinks into depression*

Back home now... Ok, seriously, it's just that you come to this point in your life where you start to question anything and everything? So, you aim to achieve something in your life. You work hard, you get it. You feel good. Satisfied. Then what? What happens after that? What are you supposed to do after that? Start finding another aim in life to go after? Then when you achieve it, what do you do next? Start the cycle again? Why are we going through this cycle for? To get what? To get something better? To die knowing that you have achieved blahblahblahblah in life? For what??

I dunno. I dunno why I'm feeling like this. Nothing happened or nobody pissed me off to get me started on this. I don't understand either. Why is it that my face appears sad and angry when deep inside I'm not? Or rather, i don't feel that way. I don't think I'm born with a naturally stuck-on-sad-and-angry face. People have asked me, "Dee, why do you look so sad? What happened?" When i was just sitting there, stoning. Not thinking about anything in particular. I think there is something more to that. Like when they say what you feel inside, reflects on the outside? Like, you can be all nicely groomed, slim, being below 50kg and always flashing a big smile to everyone, but are you really happy inside? I'm not saying I am all that [I'm definately not!! :P], but it makes me wonder when i see people who appear to seem happy outside, but they are actually not? Am i one of them? Am i seeing myself reflected on others? I really dunno...

Maybe i should start clearing out things in my room for starters.. that might help... Less clutter in your room, Less clutter in your life.

I dun understand how this post turned out so gloomy when i didnt intend to make it so. See?!! I dont understand!! AAARRGGHHH!!!!! *pulls remaining hair extensions out* I think i'm just upset that i do not seem to have achieved anything meaningful in life at such an age. Maybe i should go to Sri Lanka or something to do some volunteer work or something you know? Do something totally un-related to design? Or maybe start brain storming on my own business? And actually start some proper work on it?? Yeah, the one shelved at the back of my dark archives at the far end corner of my brain. All dusty now... something to excite me to go on with each passing day, not like just another day nearer............. to my pay check?

Yeah, do something girl. I'm slowly, but surely sinking... into depression. without knowing. Better step out of the sand pit before im a goner...

Okies, off to do something meaningful... like what, i dunno. I will crack my head on that now..... :P